XXXjeremyXXX

A lot of things have changed since my last entry. 1. I’ve signed up for FaceBook (which until now I still don’t see the hype and still trying to figure out how to navigate through it), 2. Moved in to a new place, 3. Hanging out with an old buddy from college, 4. Started playing music again with a signed musician (which is fun. Learning to play blues music), 5. Bought a pair of jeans, and 6. Trying to take things as they come--It’s been Carpe-fucking-diem for me. But the biggest change I would have to say...hands down is the fact that I'm in no relationship. Don't get me wrong, I’m in no hurry to be dating (at 29) nor would I consider myself depressed or anything. Ipso facto, I might even consider myself "happy". Now, I don’t use the word "happy" loosely since the meaning of it pretty much escapes me. But I wouldn’t go as far as claiming that I’m passive about it and hardly feels anything about nothing...so "happy" would have to be it.

At this point however, I would have to say that I am disillusioned with the thing people refer to as "love". The years spent watching those romantic comedy flicks, listening to those songs that makes ones' balls shrivel into a female genitalia, and writing those poetry; derivative of those sappy dreams that one would hold onto in childhood, has done nothing but take me to where I am right now, and that would be nowhere. I have come to realize that "love" is an illusion and that it is practically synonymous with infatuation and is basically void of any capacity to yield anything to fruition. What does exist however is the idea of commitment between two individuals that is driven by goals and dreams that does not bend to shapes to fit. I think the movie The Last Kiss sums it up real good: “Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing. It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts.”

By the way…I’m not bitter. Seriously.