Iammyown.emmcee

I want to cry.  I want to scream!  I want to get mad!  Is it true that I should trust my instinct?  The voice inside of me telling the things that I have no control over?  I spoke to someone about it recently, a good friend of mine and she told me that, “I should always trust my womanly instinct.”  Should I?  Is there even such thing?  What if this is just my mind playing tricks on me and that there’s really nothing that I need to waste time and lose sleep on?  If that’s the case then why has it been bothering me all this time?  Why does the topic continue to lure me back to this insanely thoughts?  Have I gone mad? Finally?

Insecurities?  Who doesn’t have them, these days… 

I just need answer and I think as long as the prolonging of not knowing goes on, I will lose my mind.  But then what if I talk to him about it and it turns out that my biggest nightmare is actually factual occurrence… What do I do then and how to I deal with it?  Me who always apologizes in the end regardless if I’m not at fault.  Do I continue as if nothing happens and just hope that it never happens again?  But what if I forgive and it continues on down the road…

I don’t know how wives forgives such nightmare?  How do you fix and move on when trust is no longer involve in the relationship?  

I’m losing my mind.