~My Brand Of Love Is Unforgiving~

BadKitty

  Yep, I have officially decided.  I'm stopping teaching and returning to lab work.  At least for now.  I will be starting Dec. 1st at Heinz as a ketchup quality tester.  It's going to be a much more relaxing experience than working with the kids and even though I'm adding travel time, I'm losing all the homework.   I just really didn't want to be sitting at my computer working on school stuff every night after Tigger is back in the country.  I don't want to come home with a headache from their noise and behavior and be grumpy that I still have so much to do before bed (that I don't get paid for).  I want to come home in a great mood and say, "What shall we do tonight?" I want the rexation that comes from guilt free down time.

Right now any moment I'm not working on school stuff is time I'm guilty for b/c there is always more needs done. 

Time when I'm not talking to tigger is time I'm guilty for b/c I don't give him enough attention and he's so far away. 

Time when I'm not reading a book or relaxing for myself is (you guessed it) time I'm guilty over, b/c I know I need to take care of myself mentally and emotionally or I'll get physically sick.  I know I'll be less stressed if I take the time to relax..

But this job affords me no time.  First year teachers relax in the summer.  Well nothing is worth this stress, this lifestyle.  Not a whole summer off, not all the pay in the world.  ESPECIALLY when 114/119 of my students are waste of carbon snot bags who will never amount to anything. 

Grad school teaching will be another thing.  Student who I don't have to mother and babysit.  Even if they need it I'm not obligated by law to pamper them.  Students who know how to sit down. Know how to follow direction.  Students who act like students not escaped convicts.

Yeahh... That's a whole lot of bitter up there.  I've learned so much in the last year(ish).  I love to teach, I'm good at teaching.  I'm not good at punishing, I don't love to deal with disrespect from people 1/2 my age and 1/10 my intelligence.  

This new job will be awesome.  Hopefully it will hold me over until grad school and the ultimate goal?  College professor. 

I have more to say but I'm too tired atm.  Was out gaming late.  So perhaps another update when I wake up sometime tomorrow afternoon.  ;-P

BadKitty

I think I've decided what I'm going to do... sometimes sanity is the most important thing.  Just to be sure I'm going to sleep on it a night or two and ask a few more questions, but I'm pretty sure I'm moving on.  This is a good thing.

More info to come in a few days.

romancingmaria

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BadKitty

  I really don't want to teach anymore.  It's as simple as that. 

  I'm tired.  The kids don't deserve all the energy I give them but I care too much to actually stop. It doesn't make a difference.  I waste my nights and weekends creating lessons for class and I'm only getting paid sub wages. 

  I know that if I took a permanent teaching job I'd get paid more, but I'd still have all this work to do.  I know that if I stayed and taugh the same courses for a few years I would get to a point where I didn't need to create new material anymore. 

  But the kids would be the same.  Why should I have paid all the money for my degree and certificate just to be ignored?  Why don't parents teach their kids proper behavior?  These students still (even after my lecture) have no respect for authority, their elders, rules, common decency, or themselves. 

  I am essentially a baby sitter... maybe even a sheep herder.  And you know what?  If my only responisbility was to watch that they didn't kill themselves I could do it.  I would scream and yell and turn on the tv and they would sit quietly and watch it.  And no one would act up.  But I have to educate them.  That is my primary objective.  It's what I want to do, it's what they need, it's what I have to do.  But I cannot educate  when they don't come to school, come to school high, or refuse to allow themselves or others to learn.

  I'm done.  I'm out of jobs.  I'm going to grad school.  I'll enjoy myself and study my brains out until I have a PhD in evolutionary botany.  In grad school the only person's behavior I have to control is my own!    Then I'll teach college where the kids want to learn or at the very least paid to learn.   And if they don't know how to act it's not my responsibility.

P.S.  I forgot all about the high school mentality of fights while I was in college.  I forgot how it stirs up every student when two kids are scheduled to fight.  I forgot kids made plans to fight.  I forgot how the news of a fight could spread so quick and linger so long.   But now that I've experienced it again I'm just as annoyed as I was when I was in school.  "Why should I care and what does it have to do with biology?"

BadKitty

...I got my article done on time!     There aren't emoticons happy enough to express my happiness!  

I have a publication on my research and a copyright on my boardgame now.  I've never had anything this big before and I was so worried that I blew it big time with my procrastination problem but everything worked out in the end.   I really learned my lesson this time.  I swear.

I submitted a proposal to run a 3 hour workshop at the 2010 conference in Halifax, Nova Scotia.  If I get approved for that it will mean a free trip to Halifax, a $200 paycheck for the workshop and another published paper.  I won't know if I'm in or not until Feb....  I'm just going to push it out of my mind for now.

***  ***  ***

It's Sunday night and I have to go to sleep so I can head to school with bells on tomorrow morning.   But when I get the chance I'd like to write a blurb about two movies I've seen recently, share some more subbing stories, and discuss grad school options... If only I had 8 more hours a day.

romancingmaria

and

what do they have in common? THEY'RE BOTH MINE! 8)

okay so that was lame. siguro masyado akong maagang nagising (excited kasi masyado hahaha)

i can't wait to study the camera (i am yet to think of a good name for it)